Whenever Pam and I ask people about their challenges to finding that special someone, a lot of what we hear about is the struggle to find the one that “fits.”
But what does it mean to “fit?”
Is the right fit someone who is a lot like you? Or is it someone who is nothing like you? ‘
Do opposites attract?
The short answer to this is: sometimes.
Lots of people find those who are very different from them new and exciting. They view the world in ways we would never think to do.
They may be into things of which we’ve never even heard. Take us places we’d never thought to go.
That’s exciting!
Being able to see the world through a lens so different from our own can be super refreshing. A break from the same ole.
But is that enough to sustain a relationship?
Research has spoken on the topic a lot. Here’s the general consensus:
Opposites attract. But they don’t stay together for long.
Of course, there are all kinds of “ifs / ands / buts” to go with this.
First, when we say “opposite,” just how “opposite” are we talking? Absolutely nothing in common? Or are just certain things different about her?
Let’s be blunt here: two people who have absolutely nothing in common face a long road if the goal is a long term relationship.
What was initially exciting about her will just add extra work to the relationship that will exhaust both of you as time goes on. Everything will become a struggle. Getting on the same page about anything will be a battle.
Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be super-hard work. It shouldn’t need heavy-lifting in every corner.
But when you are absolutely nothing alike, that’s what happens. And few people find that endearing in the long term.
If it’s just certain things that you don’t have in common, then our next question is:
What are those things and how important are they to you?
Some differences between two people in a relationship are good and healthy. That extra lens that your other half can give you can be key to growth. New perspectives are good.
However, if the differences are too numerous and (and maybe most importantly), if they are in important areas, that can spell doom for the long term health of your relationship.
For example, if you are a homebody but your girl likes to be out as much as possible, and you really want someone to snuggle with on the couch every night, then this is a difference that may be insurmountable.
If you are talkative and she is more quiet, this could work if she’s ok with you carrying most of the conversation. But if she feels unheard, that’s more troublesome.
Differences can be either problematic or complementary.
When differences are problematic, they create gaps in your relationship in important areas of your life that become difficult to close.
When differences are complementary, you don’t feel as if there are gaps because each of you is made stronger because you have something the other doesn’t.
At the end of the day, it’s about making sure your differences work FOR your relationship and not against it.
But what do you think? Do you think opposites attract? Hit us up and tell us about it!