Because we are social media lovers, Pam and I are in all of these Facebook groups that focus on anything and everything we are interested in. Amongst them, are several groups for lesbians.
It must be the time of year – do people look for summer loves? Is that a thing? I feel like I’m making it up.
Anyway, whatever it is, I’ve seen many discussions that question whether or not online dating even works.
Now, you know how we would answer that question: of course it does! I mean, we’re here, right? We met online. Plenty of people do.
Clearly, online dating works.
But here’s the thing: like so many other things, it’s about how you use it. You’ve heard me say that before.
A lot of people are not using online dating correctly, and using it correctly is the only way to get it to be the tool that it can be.
Here are the top 3 mistakes that people make when trying to use online dating.
Mistake 1: They assume all dating sites are the same.
This is sooooo not the case. Some are more, ummm, problematic than others are. I’ve already talked about the paid/free difference, but it’s more than that.
All of the sites and apps don’t work the same. And since they don’t work the same, the exposure you get to potential dates and that they get to you are different.
For example, is the site photo-forward? That is, does it encourage people to basically just look at pictures first?
Swiping ain’t for everybody. Some people would like their thoughts and ideas put forth first. So put in some leg work to figure out how the different sites and apps operate.
Mistake 2: Their profiles are full of a whole lot of nothing
Maybe people read online dating profiles, maybe they don’t. But let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you’ve put your profile on a site that is profile-forward. We should be able to assume, then, that that site is likely to attract more people who are interested in your profile and not just your picture (you know, because you did not make mistake #1).
You have to have something in your profile that is worth reading and which is uniquely you.
Yeah, you want somebody caring and thoughtful and blah, blah, blah.
Guess what? So does just about everybody.
What else, though? What else is there about you, other than your desire for that sexy, caring, thoughtful and considerate woman (because I can guarantee you that she’s in high demand)?
There’s an art to crafting a profile that reveals both you AND her without sounding pushy and demanding.
Mistake 3: They are not honest with themselves.
I always have to include a “real talk” item in these lists and so this is that.
The main complaint Pam and I hear about online dating is that the people on the sites and apps are not honest. They lie about whether they want or have children, how much money they make, even how they look.
But what about you? Are YOU being honest?
I’m not talking about truths necessarily like the ones I just listed. But are you being honest about who YOU are? Do you really want a homebody or do you just like the idea of one? Are you super confident or do you just wish that you were?
It’s so easy to get caught up in images, in ideas. Women especially are taught that they should want certain things and be certain people.
But be honest with yourself: do you REALLY want these things, this life? I ask because if you put that in your profile and a potential mate feels like that wasn’t accurate, they’ll feel like you lied to them, even if you hadn’t intended to.
The bottom line is that the first step in attracting honesty is by being honest.
Are there other online dating traps you have fallen into? Let us know!’’