November 16


Lesbian Relationship Advice: How to Not Run Out of Things to Say

When Pam and I talk to either single women or those in the beginning stages of their relationships, one thing we’ve heard is a concern about how you keep the interest in your relationship.

From single women, it’s about talking to a potential love interest and then slowly running out of things to talk about.

For those in young relationships (the relationship… not necessarily the people), there’s also some worry about running out of things to talk about. But there’s also worry that this will lead the couple to grow apart.

Hey, it’s a real concern. It is.

Lots of people want long term relationships but the longer you are together, the longer you have to manage and adjust to a lot of things.

So, the question this week is:

How do you keep it fresh?

There’s no real secret here. But there are things you can do that should help. Here are two keys to keeping it fresh.

Key #1: Try new things together

One way to help you not to grow apart is to make sure that you don’t leave space to grow apart.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to do everything together. That works for some couples and is disastrous for others.

But there should be new things that you intentionally choose to experience together.

Pam and I discovered together that we love to travel. We totally just stumbled upon it too.

My friend had invited me to visit her in St. Croix, and I asked my very new girlfriend if she wanted to join me.

There, we had some adventures that we still talk about today.

More importantly, we learned that we wanted to have even more adventures. Together.

It isn’t just traveling. But it is traveling together. Seeing new places, trying new activities, meeting different people. There’s just something about having these new experiences together that keeps us in things to talk about for years to come.

You have to find your “together things.” You want these “together things” to not just be stuff you do together but things that can be mixed up to create new experiences.

Maybe you’re foodies, or want to experience books together, or take dancing lessons. Don’t know what to try? Feel free to try anything. You might be surprised.

Key #2: Keep Growing … separately

Huh? Grow apart? Isn’t that what you want to avoid?

This might sound backwards but stay with me for a second.

Couples are not a two-headed monster. They are two separate people. They have some things in common but each person is a different person (mind blown, right?)

If each partner focuses on growing in her own right, a few pretty wonderful things happen.

First (and probably most importantly), each person grows. They learn. They gain the advantages of that growth. You’ll have that forever.

Second, you are always creating new things, new knowledge and new experiences to share with your partner.

Any and everything is an opportunity for growth. It could be growth in your career or in your hobbies or general interests.
Whatever it is, always look for ways to know more and do more, and if both of you are doing that, your bond will be stronger because of it.

Plus, growth and new experiences are just plain good for you!


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