Last week, I wrote to you about the transitions that can happen during the course of a relationship.
This week, let’s take a little bit of a step back and ask whether you are really ready for a long-term relationship.
It’s something that a lot of single folks claim they want. We live in a society that, gay, straight or somewhere in between, we’re all told we should want. And many of us do.
But are you READY for that long term relationship?
Make no mistake – just because you’ve had one before doesn’t mean that you were ready for it. And just because you haven’t had one doesn’t mean you aren’t ready.
But what does “ready” look like?
As with so many matters, it really just depends on a lot of things. However, there are some things you should think about to help you think through your readiness.
First, what does this long term relationship look like for you?
Try to envision what your ideal relationship looks like. That’s different for everyone. Consider questions like:
- Are you both career women who spend your evenings at home?
- Do you travel a lot together?
- How much time do you spend together? Apart?
- Do you have children?
- What is your financial situation?
And don’t forget emotional readiness questions like:
- Do you share your most intimate thoughts with your partner?
- Do you openly communicate, even if it makes you uncomfortable?
- Are you willing to sacrifice your own needs (in the moment) for those of your partner?
- Are you confident and comfortable in your own skin?
These are the kinds of questions that help you to get a sense of what you want your long-term relationship to look like.
Second, are you ready right now to play your role in this vision?
If your long-term outlook is financially stable, are you? Do you currently have a life that is ready for child-rearing? What about your career? Is it busy and unpredictable or are you able to have those evening meals with that special someone?
If communication is a super important part of your vision (and it should be!), are YOU ready to do it? If you want a relationship that involves self-sacrifice sometimes, are you ready and willing to make sacrifices?
If you aren’t ready to carry out that vision, then you aren’t ready for that relationship that you desire.
Third, what can you do to get you ready to carry out that vision?
Maybe this involves a change in career or employer. Maybe it’s just about waiting to climb the ladder so you have more flexibility.
Maybe there are some emotional issues from your family or past relationships you need to start working through so that you are comfortable being vulnerable with your partner.
Whatever it is, take stock of the vision of your long-term relationship.
See what parts you are ready to provide.
Make a plan for the things that you are not ready to add to the vision.
In the meantime, keep looking for the one who can help you carry out this vision or keep nurturing your current relationship so that you can both one day live out that vision together.