June 3


Lesbian Relationships: What are your boundaries in dating?

There are so many options for first dates during the summer months, so many ways that you can experience a new person that you just can’t when it’s cold.

But what do YOU think is acceptable for a first date?

Do you set boundaries in dating?

I’m not talking about activities. Well, maybe I am. Sort of.

What I’m asking is what are your boundaries for first dates?

In a FB group I’m in, someone posted a scenario that went something like this:

Woman asks you out on a first date. The initial plan was for her to treat you to dinner out, but then she tells you that going to dinner might be a strain financially for her and she instead asks you over to her place and she will make dinner.

There’s so much in this scenario. Financial responsibility (presence or lack there of), the appropriateness of going to someone’s house on the first date (assuming you didn’t know her well), expectations for how bills are paid between two people on a date.

The women responding to the post were very varied in their responses, all of them expressing concerns or thoughts about all of these layers.

What about you?

Do you set boundaries in dating?

Lesbian Relationships Need Boundaries in Relationships

What are your boundaries for that first date?

Is it ok to go to the home of someone you don’t know well but are hoping to know well? Should you offer to go dutch for the date?

However you would handle it, know one thing:

Good habits form early in a relationship. So do bad ones.

I’m not saying that the fate of the very new relationship hinges on whether you end up in her apartment alone or not.

What I am saying is to just be mindful of the habit and expectations we set up early on.

You won’t always be a stranger in her home.

But you may always end up splitting the check. There’s nothing wrong with that – nothing at all. Just make sure it’s what you’re comfortable with.

She may always prefer to stay in and save a few bucks. She might often be broke. Or she might always be financially responsible.

The message here is simple:

Don’t set up expectations early in a relationship that you will not be able to sustain, and don’t do the same to her.

No, everything doesn’t have to be a red flag. And it’s entirely possible that nothing in the scenario I posed qualifies as a “red flag” for most people.

But just think about what your boundaries are for that first interaction. Figure out the activities with which you are comfortable. Voice them to her. Discuss them. Ask her about her boundaries.

Remember, healthy relationships bloom from healthy beginnings.


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