July 6


Celebration of Healthy Lesbian Love

Hello, all!

Today is a special day for Pam and I and so we wanted to take a bit of a different approach to our message to you.

Today is our 8th wedding anniversary. Yesterday, we celebrated 12 years together.

Yes, we dated for 4 years before getting married (and this was post-marriage equality in the state of New York where we work and play and recognition in the state of New Jersey, where we live). So this was a choice, not a matter of circumstance.

We talk to you all the time about playing the long game. That’s what we did.

You probably know this already: I (Kelly) was living in Texas and Pam in New Jersey when we met on Match.

Through a series of messages back and forth on the platform, we hit it off. This was late April 2009.

But we took it reeeeeallllly slooooow. Messages on Match turned into live chats on Yahoo Messenger (remember that?!).

Live chats became phone calls. We were at the phone call phase when we finally met in person, in July 2009. So it took 2 months for us to meet in person! We were ok with that. We were setting a tone for our relationship.

Take your time. Remember what I said last week about good foundations?

Two years later, I moved to New Jersey. Yes, two years. We did two years long distance. Maybe I’ll share some ideas for surviving that time in another post.

Anyway, I moved to New Jersey. BUT – and this is a big but (no, not that kind…) – Pam and I did NOT move in together.

You read that correctly. We did not move in together. I got my own apartment nearby. And, yes, I stayed there most of the time.

For a relationship that was established via long distance, moving in together would be a huge step. Too huge. That was a completely different way of running a relationship; a completely different dynamic to introduce.

We wanted to take it slow and give ourselves time to adjust our relationship to this new reality.
Over the year that I had my apartment, we established a new way of being together, of setting boundaries, since distance no longer did that for us. We spent more time together, learning how to live together, without being dropped into the deep end.

Sometimes people get impatient and want to force or push things. Well, “things” sometimes push back. We didn’t want that to happen to us.

A year later, we moved in together. And the rest is, as they say, history.

Here we are, 12 years after that first meeting.

In separate Facebook posts, Pam and I both reflected on what arriving at this moment meant for each of us. This week, we wanted to share those posts with you.

Pam to Kelly


Kelly to Pam


Wedding Celebration Post


What is a takeaway that you can apply to your situation?


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What is a Healthy Relationship?
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