Or it could just be somebody out for a fun time but didn’t let you know you were only part of the fun time. That’s usually the story for your common online catfish.

So last week, I went over how to spot a catfish. Did you get a chance to read it?

But how do you make yourself less attractive to catfish in the first place?

As promised, here are three quick tips that you should start doing right now to avoid being catfished.

Quick Tip #1: Spend money

Ha! You knew it was coming. Let’s just get this one out of the way.

Catfish don’t want to invest; in fact, some of them want to get paid. But they generally won’t spend money to catfish you.

Catfish are aggressive; they’re likely to contact you first. Sites that allow people to message users for free are likely to be catfish-infested waters.

You can lower your chances of encountering them by being very careful about the dating sites you use. Yes, some sites are pricey. But that’s exactly why your odds of being catfished are lower.

If you don’t have a lot of money to spend, at least pay attention to what users can do for free. If you can message someone for free, remember that so can catfish.

Quick Tip #2: Mind those social media accounts

These days, everybody loves to share, share, share.

Catfish like to read, read, read, and not the New York Times necessarily either.

The more information you make visible to strangers, the more reason you are giving them to contact you.

You may already know not to leave certain facts about you visible: your job, your birthday, email, telephone number or address. But what about your posts? What about your photos?

Maybe they think they like your personality from your visible posts. Maybe they’ve scrolled through your photos. Maybe they’ve even figured out where you live or what you do for a living from your posts or photos.

Whatever it is, you’ve just told them a lot about you and how they should approach you and even given them some ideas of how to make themselves attractive to you.

Stay on top of those privacy settings!

Quick Tip #3: Don’t give away too much information too soon

This follows from quick tip #2.

So you are in contact with someone who appears to be promising. She’s nice and attractive and you’ve exchanged a few good messages.

Be careful. You want to walk the fine line here between sharing enough so that you get to know each other but not telling your life story right upfront.

Catfish are looking for your vulnerable spots so that they can exploit them.

Have a difficult relationship with a parent? Maybe you have been in an abusive relationship. Don’t put that out there yet. That’s a conversation better had face to face (or Zoom to Zoom) anyway.

While we’re on it, conversations don’t last forever in emails or dating profile inboxes. They grow and progress.

You may be ready to share the important and more vulnerable parts of you with your new “potential,” things that, as I said are better left for more intimate situations, but she’s not ready for that next step.

Don’t force her.

But relationships that develop online SHOULD progress to closer and closer contact and if she doesn’t seem interested in, say, a Zoom date or FaceTiming, it’s probably time to go back to the last email and put her through the catfish test.

So, there you go! Three tips to help keep you from becoming catfish bait.

Good luck out there in those waters!

The post 3 Tips to Avoid Being Catfished appeared first on Pam & Kelly.

The first thing you have to do to find that special woman is to get your mindset right.

As the saying goes, “You are your worst enemy and your best asset.”

So let’s first make sure you’re an asset to yourself!

From serving our clients from all walks of life, all of whom are single mature women hoping to attract the ideal woman for them, I can tell you that the most successful ones are the ones who approach dating with the right mindset and attitude, and who hold the right beliefs about online dating, especially as a woman seeking a woman.

Alright, time for those myth busters! Let’s re-align your perspectives and make things right!

Myth #1: “All dating sites are pretty much the same.”

When Pam and I first met 11 years ago, this might have been a true statement, but not anymore! We recently tabulated online dating sites and apps and came up with over 50! I’m sure there are plenty that were missed too. Looking at some of the most popular sites, the variety in style, goal and even just plain what they look like is mind-blowing. There are SO many options now.

People tend to think they’re the same, though, because dating is dating, right? How complicated can it be?

Truthfully, it can get really complicated! Who are you trying to meet? How do you want to do it – photos, text, video? Does it actually address the specific needs of the LGBTQ+ community? It can be a matter of how quickly you want to meet someone even. So the options are literally endless! A quick visit to some of the most popular sites will make it super clear super quickly how not all dating sites are created equally.

Myth #2: “All women you meet online are crazy.”

This is SO not true. I mean, after all, Pam and I met online and I don’t think either of us is crazy…

Despite its popularity and general acceptance, online dating still carries a bit of stigma. You probably have heard a horror story or two – or even have one of your own – about a relationship that began online that went horrifically wrong. The mystery surrounding meeting someone from literally anywhere in the world can easily lead people to believe that there are crazy people lurking around every corner. And while maybe that’s true, that doesn’t have to be YOUR story!

The truth of the matter is that sometimes we unwittingly attract the wrong people to our profiles. Some of it you can’t avoid because sometimes, despite our greatest efforts, people are going to do what they’re going to do. But we certainly don’t have to help them!

It’s all about what you say in your profile, even down to what photos you choose or the videos you share. The fish you catch depends on the bait that you use! If you get that profile working for you, and you choose the right site or app, you’ll experience a change in the kind of women who are drawn to you.

Myth #3: “You have to be young for online dating to work for you.”

I can totally understand why someone would believe this one, especially given how technology-based online dating has become. There are dating sites and there are dating apps. There are sites focused on text and there are those focused on pictures and videos. Many integrate social media and use location services on your phone. Whew! This would definitely seem to be arena tailor-made for millennials and Gen Zers, who are constantly tied to their phones.

Maybe you are too and you're pretty tech savvy but you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and are overwhelmed by all of the options and don’t even know where to start.

Let me assure you that there are plenty of mature women, and especially those who are looking for relationships with women, who have met online. After all, for the LGBTQ+ community, we oftentimes have to expand our circle to increase our chances, and online dating is the perfect way to do that. In fact, there are sites that cater to more experienced clients and to our community in particular.

Why is believing in these 3 myths problematic?

Because believing in these 3 myths will stop you from taking the right actions to move towards that relationship that you want! Believing these affects your confidence, you don’t look for help and so you don’t find a relationship as a result.

As someone who specializes in helping women start and maintain relationships, I know that it’s not difficult to at least get started in the process. People just don’t have the right guidance when it comes to sorting through it all and taking that first step.

Some people do all of these online searches and are quickly overwhelmed with how to piece it all together, and when they are, they give up. We definitely don’t want you to give up! You can do this!

If it were impossible, then there wouldn’t be so many success stories of people – even lesbian/queer women – who met online. Were they all geniuses or something? No! Of course not! But they did it by getting the right help to get started and through pure hard work and sticking with it.

So, take heart. You can do this! Don’t for a second doubt it!

The post 3 Toxic Myths You Believe About Online Dating appeared first on Pam & Kelly.